This poem is a kaleidoscopic view of my ‘life’. I wrote it after I was diagnosed with kidney and brain cancerous tumours. My childhood home environment was plagued with an abusive father who would beat my mother regularly and treated her like a second-class citizen. I used to climb up my favourite mango tree in the backyard as a child and perch like a bird; I just didn’t understand why my mother stayed in an abusive relationship. I wanted to fly away high in the sky.



I Just Couldn’t Understand…

When I was a toddler
Wearing pampers crawling around
on all fours, trying to talk, bumping
into walls, furniture and breaking objects
I just couldn’t understand
why there were strident voices all day long

When I was a little girl
Wearing my school uniform
peeping through the keyhole
I saw her being beaten so many times, so many times
I just couldn’t understand
why she didn’t scream or dial 999

When I was a teenager
Wearing make-up, mini-skirt and high heels
She kept being severely beating morning, noon and night
At times I stood in between and took her blows
I felt responsible, neglected, angry and all alone
I just couldn’t understand
I fled home

When I became a young adult
Wearing a wedding ring on my finger
Which I taught signifies love and happiness
I just couldn’t understand why I was
slapped, punched and kicked
so many times, so many times
and I didn’t scream or dial 999

When I was in mid-adulthood
Wearing awareness and relief
I began to understand that I was following
the pattern of my childhood and that the perpetrator
is an insecure, controlling, jealous, distrusting,
weak, cruel, inconsiderate, moody, low self-esteem,
impulsive, worthless, unlovable bully
So, I decided to seek help with resources like, Hestia
and make Changes to
better my life

Now, here I AM in my mature adulthood
Wearing a smile on my face
bearing fruits of wisdom and knowledge from my past
experiences for the COURAGE and CHOICE I made with
COMMIMENT to make CHANGES in my life to help
and empower others break free of domestic violence forever!

© Margaret V Aberdeen (2014)


About Margaret V Abedeen

Margaret

Margaret is a prolific speaker, writer, coach and trainer, founder and CEO of Break Free of Domestic Violence Forever. She has a proven track record of devising and delivering dynamic, innovative workshopswhere she uses an honest, gentle approach laced with enthusiasm to share her life experiences with others.
Visit Margaret’s website at http://margaretaberdeen.com or like her on Facebook.
Priceless Roles of a Mother by Margaret V Aberdeen available from Amazon.


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Poem: ‘I Just Couldn’t Understand…’ by Margaret V Aberdeen
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