Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a tactic in which a person, in order to gain more power, makes a victim question their reality. Anyone is susceptible to gaslighting, and it is a common technique of abusers.

It is done slowly, so the victim doesn’t realise how much they’ve been brainwashed. For example, in the movie Gaslight (1944), a man manipulates his wife to the point where she thinks she is losing her mind.

Here are some examples of behaviours that those that choose to abuse may undertake. What is not included in the list below is how technology can be used…

1. They tell obvious lies
2. They change or deny what they said, even though you are certain about what was said. They aim to make you to question your reality
3. They use what is important to you as ammunition; your kids, your identity and your personality. Often attacking your parenting, the way you dress or personality
4. The process is often slow, subtle and conducted over a long period of time
5. They praise you, offer compliments to confuse you. In the Cycle of Abuse this is sometimes referred to as the honeymoon phase.
6. They deliberately try to confuse you, to cause doubt and to question yourself
7. They twist and turn discussions, so you are often defending yourself – this is to distract from the abusers behaviour
8. They align people against you, from family members, friends, colleagues and community members – often using statements like; ‘If they really knew what you were really like’
9. They tell you or others that you have mental health problems, are crazy or overreacting. They want you to question yourself
10. They tell you and try to convince you that everyone else is a liar. Attempting to make you question your reality