Safe Browsing
29 November 2025
A personal account from Sarah Fulham, Director of Domestic Abuse Services at Hestia home of UK SAYS NO MORE
I grew up in a home shaped by domestic abuse. Today, in my role as a Director of Domestic Abuse Services at Hestia, I know how urgently we need to recognise the signs of domestic abuse – signs that too often go unnoticed.
One such sign is harm to pets. Ruby’s law is a crucial step in acknowledging, that harm to pets is rarely separate from harm to women and children. It highlights something survivors have always known: when an animal is at risk a family usually is too. This year for 16 days of activism against gender-based violence, I want to share why this matters so deeply to me.
A childhood marked by control
In my childhood home fear didn’t only affect the people in it the control extended to our family cat whiskey, who became another way to intimidate unsettle and silence us. When I tried to speak up I was dismissed and told that what I was seeing wasn’t really happening or that the cat liked it. Those moments taught me long before I understood words like abuse and gaslighting how easy it is for children to feel powerless and to doubt their own instincts. The cruelty towards our cat showed me that abuse often appears in small insidious ways long before a perpetrator turns their attention to a partner or a child.
“The cruelty towards our cat showed me that abuse often appears in small insidious ways long before a perpetrator turns their attention to a partner or a child.”
Leaving a loved one behind
When we escaped to refuge, I felt relief and fear in equal measure – but also a deep grief. I loved my cat, Whiskey, and leaving him behind felt like losing a family member. We were lucky that my nan could take him in, but many families don’t have that option. Having my pet with me during such a traumatic time would have offered enormous comfort and stability in those early stages of healing.
Why children need better support
My experience shapes how I see the children we support today. For many their pet is their only source of unconditional love, safety and companionship, losing that bond can compound trauma, delay recovery and deepen the sense of upheaval they’re going through. If we want to protect children effectively, we need to recognise that supporting their emotional world includes protecting the animals they love.
The housing gap
Too many survivors still face an impossible choice; to stay in danger to protect their pet or leave without them. Most refuges cannot accept animals because they lack the facilities or funding to provide safe self-contained spaces. This gap in housing provision puts women and children at a continued risk and adds yet another barrier to safety. Ruby’s law is a chance to push the sector and policymakers towards solutions that reflect the reality of people’s lives
Grief that is often overlooked
Leaving a pet behind isn’t a small thing it’s a form of grief that is rarely acknowledged in domestic abuse conversations. Pets are family, they witness and experience the effects of domestic abuse and provide comfort and offer normality when everything else feels uncertain. When that bond is broken it adds another layer of loss to an already traumatic experience.
“During this years’, 16 days of activism my hope is that we can commit to building a system where survivors and the animals they love can escape heal and rebuild together”
Call for action for the sector
Ruby’s law gives us a powerful moment to rethink how we respond to abuse.
Research shows that animals are used and abused by perpetrators in up to 89%1 of all households where domestic abuse is happening and there are animals
Moreover, we know that at least 66% of victim-survivors of domestic abuse will delay leaving, stay or return to an abuser if they cannot take their pets with them.
We need to expand safe accommodation options invest in pet friendly refuge spaces and strengthen links with fostering schemes and vets. We also need to recognise animal cruelty as a vital indicator of risk not an afterthought. If we are serious about safety we must protect every member of a family whether they have two legs or four.
For me this work is personal as well as professional. I was that child grieving a pet she couldn’t bring to safety. I want a future where no family has to make that choice again.
During this years’, 16 days of activism my hope is that we can commit to building a system where survivors and the animals they love can escape heal and rebuild together.
At Hestia we have been working with landlords and the links group to ensure that we have pet friendly policies and support survivors and their Pets in all of our self-contained accommodation and we’re now able to offer 20 bed spaces.
Each year 3.9m adults will experience domestic abuse in England and Wales alone and this estimate is likely to be the tip of the iceberg given the hidden nature of domestic abuse (ONS, 2025). When you then consider that there are animals in 60% of all UK households you get a sense of the importance of provisions for animals when families escape domestic abuse.
